You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
