it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
