i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So many bounce houses so little time
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
