the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
