When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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