Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
