so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
