oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
