Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
