im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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