I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
