Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
