what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
