Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
