Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
