she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
