i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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