Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
