You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
