so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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