we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
