erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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