It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
being pregnant is like rehab
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
