people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
