I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
