$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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