you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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