Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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