Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
