so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
smell my finger.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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