You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
