hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize