I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
