Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
