You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
