I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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