Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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