The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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