i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
