So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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