Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
