i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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