...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
