tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
