I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize