im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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