You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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