i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
