you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
