Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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