my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
