I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
